Romantic
films, songs and books typically depict the bedroom as a paradise where
pleasure is limitless and sky rockets take off. Reality is often quite
different. Many people, both men and women -- but especially men --
suffer from sexual performance anxiety. Men sometimes find they are
incapable of obtaining or sustaining an erection. Women often worry they
are not producing enough lubrication or feel inadequate if they do not
achieve orgasm. Both men and women may fear they are not capable of
satisfying their partners fully. There are, fortunately, steps that can
be taken to help overcome sexual performance anxiety.
Step 1
Communicate with
your partner about your concerns. Let him know that you are struggling.
Brainstorm together possible reasons for your anxiety. The very act of
sharing your fears can lessen anxiety and the reassurance your partner
gives you will be invaluable.
Step 2
Determine if
there is a medical cause of your problem. Rule out a physical problem by
getting a check up. This is especially important if either partner
experiences pain during coitus. Tell your doctor exactly what is going
on even if you find the subject embarrassing.
Step 3
Focus on the
enjoyment of foreplay. Make a pact with your partner that the goal at
this time will strictly be the pleasure of being close together, instead
of achieving penetration or having an orgasm.
Step 4
Find ways of
pleasuring each other that do not involve penile penetration. This is
especially pertinent if the problem is related to getting or maintaining
an erection. Use your hands to manually stimulate your partner,
practice oral sex, role play a sexual fantasy or hold each other while
watching an erotic film. When you are ready for intercourse let it come
naturally and do not set a time table as to when it has to happen.
Step 5
Take a three-week
long break from any sexual activity. Time away will relieve the
pressure and anxiety associated with performance and make you eager for
the next time you do become intimate.
Step 6
Seek
psychological counseling if your problem does not improve with self-help
techniques. A specialist in sexual performance anxiety can work with
you as a couple to overcome specific issues. This may involve
psychotherapy which is a form of “talk therapy”. It allows both partners
to talk about feelings and beliefs in order to learn how these affect
thinking and physical intimacy.
Step 7
Consider taking a
prescribed medication for issues regarding obtaining and maintaining an
erection. A physician may prescribe an erectile dysfunction medication
if a man is experiencing problems with erections or an anti-anxiety drug
for either gender.
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